Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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