Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
