I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
