Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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