broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
