she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
