Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
