You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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