He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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