I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
