im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
