So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
