i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
