It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
