I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i was born a porn star she said
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
