He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Everyone says I win the strip club
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