Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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