i would punch a child for taco bell
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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