I think im going to throw up on grandma
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
