Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
