i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Less talking, more tequila
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
