What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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