Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
thus making me awesome and them whores
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Randomize
