just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
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