she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Randomize
