I want to stick my p in your. b.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize
