remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
