You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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