I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
