and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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