I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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