Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I have aggressive nipples.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
