Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
