when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
