So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
