She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
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