My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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