I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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