just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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