I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
