so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Duck Duck Cougar?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
