who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
