I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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