I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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