i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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