fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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