look no pants
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i dont even know how to be here
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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