This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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