I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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