Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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