All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
