Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
