I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
