o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
