i don't like sucking hair
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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